Hello friends!
Throughout my life, I felt like the world didn't make much sense. People would speak, and their meaning would seem confusing, often contradicting other things they were saying and doing. Society seemed to be created to make me feel overwhelmed and disoriented. Likewise, the people around me seemed just as confused by my every attempt to express myself. Because of it, I felt exhausted and hopeless.
Does any of this sound familiar?
If so, you might also be someone on the neurodivergent spectrum. Let’s take a moment to talk about subjects like hypersensitivity, hyperfocus, and even hyperactivity. These can make practices like meditation and qigong feel impossible, and if you agree, then this lesson is for you.
These days, modern neuroscience recognizes that there are natural variations in the human brain, leading to differences in how we think, behave, and thrive. We are starting to understand that we all have different strengths and weaknesses, which is good. Unfortunately, our society shapes itself around one particular way of thinking, feeling, and expressing. This bias ends up placing many of us in a difficult situation until we find a way to live that is more suitable for our natures.
For most of you, this doesn't come as a surprise. I hope you all have found a way to live harmoniously within your community. Sometimes, though, it means we must experiment with different communication styles, quirks, or habits that help us feel stable. And this balancing act can take a lot of energy and time to get right. It will also require creativity and a willingness to research, which we are especially good at anyway. This goes for practices like meditation and qigong, too. Most systems seem designed for neurotypical students, so many of us feel like failures when it appears impossible to improve. This difficulty is why I want to offer a different perspective on our practice.
We must redefine meditation during the beginning stages—learning to relate to the movements of our minds, the expressions of our feelings, and the sensations in our bodies. Becoming intimately familiar with the experience of the present moment. Coming to terms with what it is like to be ourselves, here and now. Indeed, much later, we will explore deeper practices like absorption and insight, which will become easier as we develop energetic anchors and subtle skills and adjust the functioning of our body-minds. I want you to find a way to cultivate successfully. But first, we must find ways to establish a strong foundation for our practice, which may look different for us than for others. Let go of what you think meditation is "supposed" to look like, and instead, explore what helps you progress and transform in the direction you want to go.
It wasn't until later in life that I was diagnosed as being on the neurodivergent spectrum, and yet I found it very helpful. It clarified many of my experiences and explained some of my more confusing interactions with friends and family. I began to learn more about the multitudes of possibilities for human expression and how wonderful it is that we are all quite different, with varying needs and endless potential for growth.
That's why there is no "one-size-fits-all" for healing practices and such a wealth of variation in the realm of the internal arts.
It's essential to have an idea of what we are developing. That way, we can judge whether our training is leading to the desired results. Because I had such a difficult time understanding people as a kid, I was pushed into groups about music, spirituality, sports, or martial arts. They thought it would help me to become less socially awkward and develop needed people skills. Unfortunately, all it did was make me more and more anxious. More and more overwhelmed. I only became more ill and disconnected. One of the difficulties was that I needed help recognizing the faces and expressions of people around me. I would secretly sit with advertisement catalogs and make notes around every face I saw. Does this model look sad? Is this a happy face? Is this the same person as in the last photo? If I'd had some fundamental social and emotional help first, it would have helped me immensely. Also, if I had known that I was endeavoring to become comfortable with myself, learn how to behave around adults, and pick up communication skills, I could have received a bit of tutoring first.
Yet, because I didn't know it was possible to feel comfortable and at ease, I assumed everyone else in the room felt as terrible as I did. That meditation was supposed to be painful. I had the wrong goals in mind. I imagined I was supposed to get good at pretending to be comfortable, masking my feelings, and forcing a smile. So, as a kid, I worked hard to "fake it," developing terrible emotional habits that took decades to heal.
So here is the first lesson: our cultivation should help us learn to become more authentic, not less. We need to be more straightforward and more honest about who and how we are, not less. Don't pick up any practice that has you pretending to be something you are not or convinces you to lie to yourself. Because many of us spend our lives being told that we are not quite right the way we are, it becomes easy to get unsettled and look around for someone to tell us who we are and how to be. You deserve better. This means that we use methods that help settle us into our bodies, where we can learn to feel the truth of what is happening inside us at any moment. Yet, finding the proper practice can get tricky for people who are wired a bit differently.
For instance, many people on the spectrum are extremely sensitive to their senses. Regular life can become overwhelming when you constantly experience everything in waves of feeling. This hyper-awareness can cause you to numb your relationship with your body, dull your instincts, and disconnect your senses to keep them from overpowering other experiences. Because of this lifelong dissociation, we can become clumsy and awkward. When we see a therapist who doesn't understand, assuming we are insensitive by nature, they may offer therapies that make things worse instead of better. We need something that reconnects us with our bodies but calms rather than exciting them.
We may want to learn something like taiji, but the sophisticated choreography makes it impossible while we are so disconnected. This complexity might just lead to more feelings of overwhelm and failure. Instead, first, we would need to find a new relationship with the experience of sensation so we can reconnect with our bodies. This is a similar kind of training followed by people with chronic pain. When we cannot change the sensations, we learn to adjust our reactions to them. I recommend the practice of quiet sitting meditation while gently reintegrating body and mind. First, calm the internal reactivity, and only later begin more complex physical practices. I also recommend the qigong self-massage routine. It is terrific for gently helping reintegrate our minds within our bodies.
Of course, once we stop reacting negatively to our sensitivity, it becomes a superpower. The ability to discern everything happening inside and outside has substantial benefits for developing a practice of insight meditation or subtle skills. Once we stop insulating ourselves from the strength of our experiences, they become a precious source of self-knowledge.
Also, if you find your system incredibly reactive to the world around you, try to notice what makes the experience better and worse. For example, see if you become extra sensitive in cold or heat, around loud noises, smells, or under bright lights. You can only avoid the worst places to train if you note the situations that trigger your hypersensitivity. Similarly, seek out the spaces that make you feel safe, at ease, and calm. Don't be afraid to create a nest or a safe space filled with the things you love. If it helps you heal, then it's good medicine. Period.
This leads to the next lesson: Your training should leave you calm, centered, clear-headed, and at ease. The more quiet we become inside, the more we can listen to ourselves and the truth of the world. Our capacity to sense things deeply can feel like a curse, but it's also a strength. We merely need to learn to engage with it in a nourishing way. Avoid any methods that get you to ramp up emotions, generate thought storms, or charge up your nervous system. We already have enough of that going on. Always remember that we will get better at the things we practice. So, always bring out the qualities that are good for you. Take the time to learn to settle and cultivate stillness. This is the direction of healing.
I'd also like to mention stimming and using our stims to understand ourselves better. These are straightforward approaches to using specific qualities of sensation to help us become more balanced. Sounds like a healing practice, doesn't it? In fact, many forms of basic meditation use our senses as a focus for meditation. There are entire systems based around sound, sensation, or specific kinds of movement. If you already know that certain qualities are beneficial and centering for you, why not use that knowledge? For example, I have a friend who paces back and forth when feeling overwhelmed. We are working together to develop a walking meditation that is already part of his relaxation cycle. When I was in elementary school, I would spend every recess spinning around a pole as a way to calm myself. Since then, I've found that meditation & qigong methods utilizing spinning and swinging are extra effective for my nervous system. Another friend finds certain tactile experiences incredibly soothing. She has specific stim toys that trigger calm feelings each time she picks them up. Why not use that natural tendency to cultivate meditation? Equally, if you have a deep interest in a particular subject, like many of us, why not relate it to your training?
This list of possibilities for helping us feel centered and grounded is nearly endless, and the opportunities for making those a centerpiece of our practice are just as profound. Feel free to share your ideas and experiences in the comment section. As a community, we can all help each other heal.
Let's talk a bit about hyperfocus. Many of us have a substantial ability to become wholly absorbed in an experience or process. Obviously, this can become a powerful aid to our practice and should be used well. However, the way we enter into hyperfocus often needs to be adjusted. It's yet another superpower that brings gifts yet may feel like a curse. It is possible to learn to regulate this cycle of focus so that it doesn't interfere with healthy aspects of our lives. We must train ourselves to move into and out of this state in less exhausting ways. At first, we learn to ensure we are not using it to harm ourselves, like forgetting to eat or care for our lives. There are lots of resources for managing those bad habits. Then, learn to cultivate this robust quality of the mind in a less exhausting way. With practice, you can discover how to settle your full attention into a process without gripping or clenching your mind. When you are squeezing your mind into focus, it's exhausting and leaves us less clear afterward. Overall, we become less centered and less present in the rest of our lives. This clearly is the wrong direction for healing. However, if you can relax your mind into a basic meditative focus, it's actually refreshing for you. Afterward, you are calmer and clearer and are less likely to have trouble moving into and out of the state. It will become a beautiful tool for absorption styles of meditation and certain kinds of cultivation in the world of qigong.
Oh, and for my friends with ADD or hyperactive tendencies, don't worry. We are here for you, too. I appreciate that you've made it this far into a boring lesson, even if it took several attempts. I see you. Many neurodivergent people have agitated minds, so using methods that calm and settle us down is incredibly helpful. I'm like that. If I sink my energy downward inside my body and slow down, then I'm 100% better. But folks with attention deficit style brains actually need a little extra stimulation to calm down. You must get a bit more movement inside and outside when understimulated to feel centered. That's totally normal for you, and your style of practice should reflect that need. Eventually, you will discover that your mind-body's internal landscape is fascinating and will capture your attention effortlessly. But, to begin, you must give yourself something interesting and sophisticated enough to stimulate your attention. Something like taiji form practice can be complex enough to help you feel engaged. Most classes have a schedule for you to follow, which may make planning easier. Also, if you are in a classroom, in the middle of a 30-minute form, it's less likely that you will wander away and get lost. Otherwise, take lots of breaks, schedule reminders, and give yourself some chances to refocus. Somatic, body-based practices might be beneficial for you to dial in just the right amount of stimulation. But please avoid any methods designed to overhype your senses, push your addictive tendencies, or make you feel loose only because they're exhausting.
This leads to the next lesson: only choose methods to leave you feeling relaxed, connected, well-rested, and vibrant. This is the direction of healing. When I was younger, I trained methods that would leave me feeling mentally worn out, emotionally drained, and physically stagnant. Somehow, they were eventually supposed to make me feel better. They didn't. It's because those kinds of practices are unsustainable. You slowly become less and less able to be present, open-hearted, and healthy. There are much better techniques that gently and gradually build up the skills of your body-mind to make meditation and wellness far more attainable and long-lasting.
This need for nourishing routines is especially vital when aspects of our imbalances are as much due to daily habits as genetics. For example, you may find that your anxiety or physical ticks are much better after a good night of sleep or a simple walk in the sunshine. I have helped several neurodivergent friends find a greater sense of well-being simply by introducing lifestyle recommendations. I'm sure you can quickly think of 3 things that make you feel more centered and three that trigger stress spirals. Pause this lesson and write them down to think about later. There's no rush, and many of us like to take our time to make decisions anyway. Yet, If you can make those simple changes, you will find that your practice is far more fruitful! There is no reason to do things the hard way. This practice involves every aspect of your life. You are one whole person, and every slight adjustment toward healing will make a difference in every part of your life. Start with a tiny step. And then another. You can do this!
Now, I know that some percentage of you just responded with doubt about your capacity to heal. And that a mean internal voice decided to share its opinion about your progress. For you, I recommend cultivating patience and empathy as soon as possible. For many of us, learning to pay less attention to that aspect of our mind means that internal negativity can become much less distressing. Yet, if you find yourself being constantly unkind to yourself, dealing with vast amounts of negative self-talk, or are in a scary emotional moment, please do seek out help from friends, family, or professional therapists. Clearly, studies show that meditation can help increase empathy and the capacity for internal kindness. Maintain your meditation practice during your darkest moments. However, the most important thing to do during emergencies is to seek help. If you cut your arm off, you go to the doctor. If your liver fails, you go to the doctor. Why would mental-emotional emergencies be any different?
With all this said, let me make more specific recommendations for those struggling with meditation. First of all, please begin your practices with methods for beginners. If your technique feels too difficult, it may be too difficult! Eventually, you will develop specific skills and experience transformations that will make deeper meditations more and more available. But, as with any practice, please start with the basics. Things will go better for you. That's why I have spent so much time on my channel, offering step-by-step instructions about foundational skills. They must be fully developed before you move on to more advanced techniques.
Let's take seated posture as an example. In several informal studies, people said they didn't like to meditate because the seated position was too painful. This is such a shame because all they need to do is sit more comfortably. It's not complicated, but it is a tremendous barrier for beginners. Please let me reassure you that it's entirely possible to meditate while sitting in a chair. Or standing. Or walking. Or even lying down. Of course, I fully support developing the ability to sit cross-legged on the ground, but that is not the same as learning to settle your mind. So, by sitting in a comfortable chair, meditation is instantly more accessible for you. As you progress, take the time to learn about posture and relaxation, which will make your practice even more enjoyable.
If you have anxiety about being outdoors, then practice inside. If you feel claustrophobic, then find someplace outside to meditate. If you have difficulty feeling comfortable around other people, practice by yourself. If you find it easier to follow guided instructions, find a local meditation group to help you. See how easy that is? I wish someone had told me these things when I was a kid. Find the methods that make it easier to train, and it will get easier to train.
For those whose minds crave sound and meaning, try meditations that use chanting or singing as a focus. If your body has to move to relax, find methods that keep you moving, like walking or meditative martial arts. If you get fixated on certain things that keep you from relaxing, find a way to create a calm, safe space free from those things. I was always fascinated with the sensations inside my body, so somatic meditations worked wonders. Yet some people feel negatively about their bodies, so using external stimuli is better. For example, gazing at a painted image or a distant mountaintop might be a better place to begin.
Some of you, like me, have a powerful imagination. I can imagine eating something, and actually taste, smell, and feel that food. Visualization can be beneficial as we begin our journey to healing—it is a great way to center the mind and give it something shiny to play with. Later, we will avoid using our imagination often during practice as we ground ourselves more firmly into the real world. But there is nothing wrong with using it initially to calm and regulate our minds and emotions.
Do you find yourself too wound-up to slow down your mind? Set up a peaceful habit before practice, like walking, stimming, or listening to your favorite music. If you find it helpful, treat it like a preparation ritual for your practice. It becomes more effective when your nervous system gets conditioned to settle into a meditative calm each time you repeat this activity. For many of us, ritual is already a hugely important part of our lives. So we can incorporate yet another superpower into our daily meditation practices. Notice how many of our natural qualities are actually beneficial for developing skills when appropriately harnessed? You are far more capable than you give yourself credit for!
At one end of the spectrum are people like me who crave order and predictability. Then there are those of you who need novelty and spontaneity to be at rest. Why not accept that quality of your nature and explore those possibilities as well? I know one gentleman who uses rock climbing as a meditation because it delivers just enough stimulation and input for him to feel profoundly tranquil and clear. This wouldn't work for me, but that's the point. Our goals are the same, but the method must suit the individual. Also, if you try sitting meditation, you might find it helpful to sit with a notepad nearby to briefly write down bursts of inspiration as your mind settles. This might help you feel like you're not fighting your mind as often.
People who are tired when they meditate might just need more sleep. We live in a chronically sleep-deprived community. Similarly, people who experience lots of pain while sitting might simply need to learn about proper postural techniques. Sometimes, it really is that easy for people to heal. However, there are those who deal with chronic exhaustion and pain. It's important to acknowledge that the easy answers probably won't help you immediately. First of all, let me say that I'm sorry that you're uncomfortable, and I'm sad that our culture is so slow to admit the existence of chronic illness. For you, as odd as it sounds, there are methods designed to help you become more comfortable with your discomfort. You will learn how to transform your relationship with the illness rather than trying to change the experience itself. It's more challenging than some other techniques. Still, it is possible, and it can take you quickly to deeper levels of awareness when approached correctly.
If I can offer just one more lesson to guide your practice, it's that gradual progress is possible and effective. When you feel like your body cannot learn to relax or slow down, remember that you can always practice softening your hands and go for a slow and gentle walk. Let that softness spread up your arms. When you feel like your emotions are running wild, take some time in nature. Notice the calm and stillness of the trees and the soil. Let that quiet begin to soak into your nervous system. When your mind is circling endlessly, notice the sky. Notice the clouds. Let that quality of openness and spaciousness touch upon your awareness—a little bit every day. Whenever you remember, take the opportunity to move toward healing. You can do this!
The Next Step:
First, figure out who you are and what you need to heal. Write down your thoughts in your practice journal. Do you do better training in the morning or the evening? Do you need to be with people or alone? To relax, is it better for you to move or to be still? Chat with your practice buddy about their honest thoughts and suggestions, and share them with the community in the comment section. Be sincere and transparent about what helps you feel grounded; we will all help each other. This knowledge will be hugely beneficial to your practice.
Homework:
Once you know your tendencies and needs, it's time to find methods specifically for your development. Again, reach out to me and the community for ideas. Many thousands of variations of meditations have evolved over the years precisely because every person is different. If you don't have a teacher to help evaluate and direct you personally, you'll want to do some research yourself. Just remember the essential characteristics of healthy practice that I suggested. Use your personalized training regime to heal and transform to become the best version of yourself. You are unique and add value to our community. Develop the capacity to be centered, peaceful, and clear-headed in your daily life, and you will make the world a better place for all of us!
Enjoy your practice!
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